It's not the same as being at home with your parents, and chances are that if you're in foster care, you've been through something pretty traumatic - and as much as you try to adapt, you always know that there's something missing.
"You just don’t get some of the perks that you get with your family,” says New England Patriots' wide receiver Kamar Aiken of being in foster care, “The love isn’t the same."
A foster home isn't where any child hopes to be at 5 years old, but a Miami foster home is where Aiken found himself along with his older brother and a younger sister after his mother took the fall for the death of his cousin - a place where he remained until he was almost nine years old.
The emotional pain associated with being taken away from his mother is something that remains with Aiken to this day - in fact, Psychologists suggest that many behaviors can be traced back to traumatic events from our childhood, our obsessions, mannerisms and associations all can be a product of where we came from.
NFL teams are right on top of this, in light of the recent episodes of bad behavior - especially the New England Patriots, who just endured one of the most painful offseasons in the history of the league and are acutely aware of a player's character, both on and off the field...
...so when seeking to bring in talented players with good character to compete for roster spots, they already had a good prospect in their own locker room - and he's not just some athlete with lots of money and a secure future giving of himself, he's a philanthropist that uses his childhood pain as motivation to help kids that are forced to walk the same path of pain that he did.
Some kids rise above it, others let it consume them. Aiken did both.
“I remember it all like it was yesterday,” he said. “It's something that has always stuck with me, so I said whenever I get the resources and be able, I'll come back and try to start something for kids in that same situation.”
His mother, Juliet, was at work when their babysitter beat his cousin to death - but while the details of how she was ultimately charged and convicted of second degree murder and aggravated child abuse are sketchy, Aiken knows that it's something that he can never change - so he has used his pain and frustration to strive for something better, and not just for himself.
Yes, the 6' 2", 215 pound Aiken is on track to finally gain a roster spot in the NFL after bouncing back and forth between practice squads and active rosters for three teams, and while catching passes on Sunday for the Patriots is a goal for the 24 year old product of Central Florida University, his heart is with the kids that find themselves in the same foster care system that he endured as a young child...
...and not just his heart, but also his money, his time and, ultimately, his love.
Aiken's financial future is far from secure, but that hasn't stopped him from giving his all to the kids, starting the Kamar Aiken Foundation and holding his first event in June, a free football clinic for kids at Tufts' University near Boston.
“It's for foster kids, kids that are less fortunate, kids that are in the system" Aiken said at the event, "just giving them an opportunity because a lot of those kids don't get the same opportunities as being with your family and your mother and father.”
Aiken went undrafted coming out of Central Florida in 2011, but was signed as a rookie free agent by Buffalo and spent his first year in the NFL bouncing between their practice squad and the active roster, then the same thing with the Chicago Bears last season before being released and landing on the Patriots practice squad - and even being activated late last season, though he was a healthy scratch for both playoff games.
And now he's in a competition for what will likely be just one receiver spot with six others - and though he has shown some good things thus far in camp, he knows from hard experience not to count on things that are out of his control.
But with the Patriots trending more towards the bigger receiver, his size helps his cause. Likely to make the team are rookies Aaron Dobson and Kenbrell Thompkins, both about Aiken's size, while smallish receivers Danny Amendola and Josh Boyce are locks as well - and with Aiken having the most upside of any other of the remaining pass catchers, the roster spot is his to win or lose.
It is undeniable that being a roster transaction waiting to happen is a frustrating endeavor, but it is equally undeniable that Aiken's tough childhood has prepared him for the reality and rigors of being an undrafted free agent trying to make his mark in the National Football League - and the perseverance and loyalty he retained from his mother has helped make it bearable.
“I love my mom to death, she's everything to me." Aiken said "Just what she went through and came back out and put us right back on track, she's just everything to me.”
All three of Juliet's children used the pain as a springboard to help others, and a lot of it came from his mother's love and loyalty to her children that were taken from her. His brother is a child welfare worker in Miami and his sister will graduate from Jacksonville State in Alabama this December with a degree that will help her to become a teacher.
So, what happens should Aiken's career not take the path he would like? Well, he's not short on options, as his degree in Education from Central Florida presents some opportunities - but one thing's for sure: whether he's scoring touchdowns for the Patriots or making the most of his college degree, his heart will always be with kids in foster care.
And it's hearts like his that can make a difference not only for thousands in foster care, but on the football field as well - and that's something that the NFL and the Patriots need all that they can get these days...
Nuff said.
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