At least, that's what we're reading whenever we go online or pick up a paper - and it must be true, because nothing can be posted on the Internet that isn't.
That being said, the Patriots will also be overtaken by the new-look Miami Dolphins as the top dog in the AFC East, Wes Welker will finally hold onto a ball in a clutch situation to help the Denver Broncos win a Super Bowl...
...and the fabled "Patriot Way" will be exposed as nothing more than a bunch of villainous yahoos fronting for players with questionable ethics and rap sheets that read like a Stephen King novel.
It's a dire picture for sure - what with Welker essentially being fired and ending up in Denver of all places, Rob Gronkowski becoming an interactive Milton Bradley game and Aaron Hernandez...well... whatever. Gone also is the aloof Brandon Lloyd and the incredibly clutch Danny Woodhead. Deion Branch wasn't invited back and Julian Edelman spent the summer in a walking boot.
These are all terrible things - and with human nature being to focus on the negative and allowing it to fester and impede judgment, the Patriots are toast.
Indeed. The Patriots will be Lucky to win eight games, and the Patriot Way has devolved into a modern day Pandora's Box, wherein the gates to Gillette Stadium are opened and all the evils of the world escape, causing bedlam and inducing wide-spread panic.
But just as Pandora closed the box just in time to keep the spirit of hope from escaping, so too have the Patriots.
Things are not as we are being led to believe. Just like Pandora's Box was actually a jar that resembles a modern day crock pot, the New England Patriots' "troubled" offense is actually a juggernaut waiting to happen, with a running game that is about to remind old-timers of the Patriots' units of the late '70's and a passing game full of large, fast, shiny new targets for quarterback Tom Brady....
...and all behind an offensive line that is among the best in the business.
The Patriots' offenses under Bill Belichick have done some of their best work under duress and have remained formidable despite constant turnover and attrition, and 2013 will be no different - because throughout the tenure of Belichick there has been one constant, the clutch entity that is conspicuous by it's anonymity.
Yes, the New England Patriots' offensive line has been consistently excellent through thick and thin, no matter what was happening with the other positions on the field, the big lovable galoots up front have been the key to their success...
...so diverse is their experience that now the Patriots can play you any way you want.
Of course, there's always Tom Brady, too, and many fans are rightfully taking solace in the fact that the best quarterback to ever lace up a pair of cleats has control of an offense so efficient that they can make the defense feel as if they are lined up in the wrong formation, even if they are in the right one.
New England has what is termed as a "Game Plan" offense, which is just a fancy way of saying "We're coming after your weakness, then we're coming after the rest of you." And then your families.
So...Brady, right? He's got the offense out of the huddle and up to the line of scrimmage with 30 seconds still on the play clock. The defensive linemen have their hands in the dirt, linebackers ducking into the gaps, then backing out, corners showing off-man - trying not to tip their hand as to where the pressure will be coming from, nor what coverage they are in...
...The two-time NFL Most Valuable Player forces the issue, sending a receiver in motion. If the corner follows, chances are that all are in man coverage - if he doesn't, Brady goes after the zone. Ten seconds pass. The defensive linemen are starting to feel the burn in their biceps and shoulders, their enormous girth working in tandem with gravity to put strain on their backs.
By the time the 4th quarter rolls around, Brady is in the heads of the linebackers, the corners have run the equivalent of a half-marathon and the defensive linemen are applying for disability - Brady just continues to do what he does, and when desperation sets in and the defense starts to take chances, that's when Brady has his true advantage - for there has not ever been another quarterback that can make a defense pay for blitzing quite like Tom Brady.
He works the offense into advantageous situations, causes the defense to have to take risky chances, then picks them apart. That's the advantage that the Patriots have over any team that they face. Still,
Patriots' fans shouldn't cling to the notion that Tom Brady is some sort of demi God, and that everything will be alright so long as number 12 is taking the snaps.
Truth is he's just one man - granted, a first-ballot Hall of Famer whose overall career will one day become the standard by which all others are compared, but one man nonetheless - a man whose career has challenged the notion that a quarterback must be an athlete to be successful.
He shouldn't even be here, Brady.
Fate, luck, karma - whatever it was that caused Mo Lewis to almost kill Drew Bledsoe with a vicious sideline hit more than a decade ago, whatever it was that caused Bill Belichick to stick with the 6th round draft pick when his former number one overall pick was healed and cleared for action - Brady didn't question the philosophical implications, he just picked up that ball and ran with it...
...slowly, but run he has - throwing the ball to a teammate on occasion.
Brady is a social worker in an alternate reality, but in ours he's the quarterback for the New England Patriots. His story is well documented and has changed the history of the NFL with it's befuddling deterministic qualities, and he's become some sort of a fairy tale character to the uninitiated, while an omnipotent entity to the media.
But lost in all of the glamor is the fact that he's had plenty of trustworthy help along the way - and this season he's stocked up with a passing game that may be better than last year's, one that will nicely compliment what is looking like a top shelf, smashmouth running game...
...the entire scheme predicated on enormous human beings wearing silver helmets being right where the best quarterback in the National Football League expects them to be - and when that all aligns in the midst of the training camp battles, no one is going to wonder how the Patriots offense will get along without those one guys.
Wait, what's their names again?
Exactly.
Next: The Offensive Line...
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